Romanticizing Dear Old Love

Modern society has sold us a rank of goods where love is concerned. Love’s purity has been polluted- we have commercialized the most powerful emotion in the world, branded it through over- romanticizing and idealization; it’s now deteriorated beyond recognition leading to terrible relationships.

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How did love get over- romanticized?

Thanks to the large number of fairy tales and Disney movies we feasted our eyes with, to the literary fodder we binge read, movies, television shows, religion, our parents and society at large, conditioning us to romanticize romance and idealize love.

We adored Disney movies like The Little Mermaid, where Ariel falls in love with Prince Eric just by looking at him and then sacrifice everything to be with him. Or, Cinderella, who fell in love with Prince Phillip at first sight- as ‘So this is love’ is sung between them. Then, there are the books. Even I was an Austen fan growing up, so falling in love with the perfect love is inevitable.

We all have dreamed, atleast, once in our lifetime of ‘Prince Charming’ or for that matter, ‘Princess Charming’, to come in white horse and sweep us away. Most part of our life passes in searching our “other half” with astute impertinence, articulation and swag of Fitzwilliam Darcy. Fictional men like Mr Darcy and George Knightly have the raised the bar high for men. To think, if girls want their ‘Love of Life’ to be Darcy, then, shouldn’t they try to be as sharp as Elizabeth, atleast. You know the best part about them, they don’t exist; so stop searching for them.

The quixotic ideas of Beauty falling in true love with Beast, showing physical appearance are of no importance, if the heart is of gold. Does this even happen in real life? To say, physical features are the first thing that we observe in a person.

No one in real life is Rahul aka Shah Rukh Khan, waiting for you with arms full open and the violins in the background. When you accidentally collide with your love interest in the library and all the pages scatter here and there, the time stops and the eyes meet, gazing continues for long and no one cares about the papers that have fallen. I haven’t seen such a moment in my life, forget about library not even in a park.

Our families and friends are not behind in the race. We have been constantly told statements like-

“Your partner becomes the best part of every single day.”

“Mundane tasks turn into the greatest times of your life.”

“Everything around you turns gay and happy when you are in love.”

“You get completed when you fall in love.”

This has made me question, the path which we are leading to? Is it spreading more harm than love?

The truth is for the longest time, we haven’t just been preached what love is but, also, hammered into us what love should be.

While many of us are duped into thinking that love is a elusive thing that we have to chase, anxiously attach to, and posses to the point of codependency.

Idealizing love this way has become the breeding ground for toxic relationships- where people become obsessed, treat each other as objects to be owned, project insecurities on each other out of jealousy, envy and past trauma, all in the name of our dear old “LOVE”.

This had lead to the falling of relationships leading to increased break ups and divorces and subjecting us to a survive a tumultuous emotional roller coaster ride, crippling us in resentment and grieve.

We have internalized this idealistic view of love and so lot of us tend to go about in a wrong way, putting ourselves through open heart surgery under general anesthesia on a loop, moving from person to person.

What love is and isn’t- is subjective.

Love has scientifically been related to the release of neurotransmitters and hormones. This means love can take you on a emotionally unstable ride where you behave like a drug addict. There is no La la hymn and violin playing in the background when you meet your partner and no sudden rains drenching you, to create a romantic atmosphere. Or is it?

Jokes apart, let’s come to the point.

Love is a feeling that shouldn’t be confined in a box or in a ten page character check list.

It is obviously not depended on flower, chocolates and perfect dates. Even if you receive flowers everyday, you can be cheated by your partner. Proposing on one knee, doesn’t guarantee a sustainable future. Love should never seek to possess but honor the anatomy and the boundaries. It depends on the emotional attachment but we should practice letting go instead of trying to hold it in a death grip. 

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It could be felt in the form of care where you seek out for your partner in their time of distress, being mentally and emotionally present for them. Even a small visit from a loved one, on a dark day can lighten the mood and make love palpable. Travelling with them, just for their safety is another high. A small ‘Good Morning’ or ‘Good Night’ or ‘l reached home’ message, even after a torrid argument can bring a smile. Love is not about extravagant dates, a simple chai and vada pav at tapri would suffice. Being all present on the other person’s head, is not love but jealousy or possessiveness. Trust, loyalty and space define a relationship. Learning to accept that you and your partner have a life outside your relationship, is necessary. Don’t forget some long distance relationships are far better than the ones that stay together.

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Arguing with your partner for silly issues, is not helpful at all, understanding is. Every day confession of love is not needed- actions speak louder than words, they say. I know couples that hadn’t confessed their love for many years but, they were and are still growing strong. Love is not about changing the personality of your partner but accepting them with open arms as every human is flawed. Learning difference between love and infatuation is a task that we all must fulfill.

Love should be nurtured and not be ablazed. Romanticizing love is kindling that fire, idealism is the oxygen, remove these from your approach to love to form a healthy long lasting bond.

Love doesn’t have to be an all consuming fire; it can be a slow steady burn with an everlasting flame.

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PS- I am grateful to all my friends who helped me with this blog. This would not be possible without you.

164 Comments Add yours

  1. gldn2th says:

    Whoah, that was excellent. I was getting distracted thinking that I know a good love story with fun action to recommend, but once refocused on your words, I thought, perhaps not. You have a gift, a talent that with enough hard work, you can direct your talent anywhere your heart desires and succeed. To paraphrase a late British Prime Minister ‘Never never give up. Never never give in – except to what is good right and true.’ Well done!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Nawazish says:

      Thank you so much for your kind words!! It means a lot to me!!πŸ€—πŸ’•πŸ’•

      Like

  2. MONIKA says:

    Must say… U have amazing art of binding words together for conveying your feelings..
    And for me… Love is understanding each other, accepting flaws..

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Nawazish says:

      Thank you so much!! Love is different for different people and I like your definition of love!!πŸ’•πŸ’•

      Like

  3. Kumar Harsh says:

    Indeed. Cheers to this. For me love is mutual trust and respect. If these two exist in any relationship for that matter, loving someone becomes really easy. It’s really not that complicated. For me love is like a smooth whiskey, you sip some, slowly slowly it raises your spirits and then you are in pure ecstasy. Well done. πŸ˜‡

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Nawazish says:

      Thank you so much!! I really like your comparison with whiskey!!πŸ˜ŠπŸ’•πŸ’•

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Kumar Harsh says:

        Thank you. πŸ˜‡

        Liked by 1 person

  4. You’re very right. Love doesn’t work the way it does in fairy tales.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Nawazish says:

      Thank you!!πŸ’•πŸ’•

      Like

  5. Gosh!What have we done!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Nawazish says:

      πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

      Like

      1. We will be fine I guess

        Liked by 2 people

    1. Nawazish says:

      Thank you so much for the nomination!! I’ll check it for sure!!❀❀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. asthaisha says:

        πŸ’›πŸ’›

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Nawazish says:

      Thanks a ton!!❣❣

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Nawazish says:

      Thank you so much!!❀❀❀

      Like

  6. karlien09 says:

    It is beautifully and very accurately writtenπŸ”₯ I love your blog and I am so grateful that we discovered each otherπŸ€—β€

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Nawazish says:

      Thank you so much!! Pleased to have met you!!❀❀

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Nawazish says:

      Thank you so much! Glad to have met you!!❣❣

      Liked by 1 person

  7. geoaffleck says:

    How wrong you are. Love is not a feeling. In fact, it is not an emotion at all. That’s called attraction. Love is a self-contained, independent, sentient, living, thing that hovers between, and abides with, two people. It is a specifically tailored, objective, gift from God intended to lead you to Him or to a deeper understanding of Him.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Nawazish says:

      Strong point! The love for God goes that way but humanly love is most part attraction!

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Precious!!
    May This,
    Amazing Universe,
    Always Smile upon you!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nawazish says:

      Thanks a bunch!!❣❣

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    MATURING LOVE DOES TAKE TIME AND EFFORT—WHICH SO FEW TODAY THINK…WORTH…THE EFFORT! BUT IT IS WORTH IT

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nawazish says:

      Thank you for your kind comments!πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

      Liked by 1 person

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